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SFTBLLQT18
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Name: Tonya
Birthday: 10/31/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: God, my family, spending time with friends, shoes, laughing til my stomach hurts, dreaming out loud, cuddling, thunderstorms, photography, writting, getting snail mail, playing softball, traveling, country music, ice cream, being suprised, playing euchre, looking at the stars, watching the sunset, holding hands, inside jokes, the color green, reminiscing about good times, motorcycle rides, puppies, the smell of a camp fire, and being completely stupid around the people closest to me and not having to care what anyone else thinks~
Expertise: I have no expertise, I am just trying to know God a little better every day.
Occupation: Student
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  sftbllqt18
Member Since:
3/21/2004
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| When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I am saved"
I'm whispering "I get lost!"
"That is why I chose this way."
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need someone to be my guide.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and pray for strength to carry on.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and cannot ever pay the debt.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
my flaws are too visible
but God believes I'm worth it.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain
I have my share of heartaches
which is why I seek His name.
When I say..."I am a Christian"
I do not wish to judge.
I have no authority.
I only know I'm loved.
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“So you would like to interview me?” God asked.
“If you have the time” I said.
God smiled. “My time is eternity.”
“What questions do you have in mind for me?”
“What surprises you most about humankind?”
God answered...
“That they get bored with childhood,
they rush to grow up, and then
long to be children again.”
“That they lose their health to make money...
and then lose their money to restore their health.”
“That by thinking anxiously about the future,
they forget the present,
such that they live in neither
the present nor the future.”
"That they live as if they will never die,
and die as though they had never lived.”
God’s hand took mine
and we were silent for a while.
And then I asked...
“As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons
you want your children to learn?”
“To learn they cannot make anyone
love them.
All they can do
is let themselves be loved.”
“To learn that it is not good
to compare themselves to others.”
“To learn to forgive
by practicing forgiveness.”
“To learn that it only takes a few seconds
to open profound wounds in those they love,
and it can take many years to heal them.”
“To learn that a rich person
is not one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.”
“To learn that there are people
who love them dearly,
but simply have not yet learned
how to express or show
their feelings.”
“To learn that two people can
look at the same thing
and see it differently.”
“To learn that it is not enough that they
forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.”
"Thank you for your time," I said humbly.
"Is there anything
else
you would like your children to know?"
God smiled and said,
“Just know that I am here... always.” | | |
| I’ve
had a rough last two weeks. I’m continually being reminded that life on earth is
nothing more than mist…
Last week, a kid I went to
high
school with lost his Dad to a heart aneurism caused by a blood clot
somewhere else in his body. His Dad only got to see one of the four
kids even graduate
high school... I can't even fathom what I would do if I lost my Dad, he
means the world to me.
Then, my cousin Josh was in a bad car accident. A lady ran a stop sign going
about 50 mph, side swiped his car, sending the front end of the car into a tree…
the tree snapped in half and landed on top of his car. This was a huge wake up
call for Josh, because his brother, Chris, was killed in a car wreck about 7
years ago. Really, it was a wake up call for the entire family.
Also
last week, a 25 year old kid that I worked with at the Township died. He fell
off of his roof while helping his Dad re-roof their house. He shattered his
skull in 6 places and was brain dead instantly. To make things harder, he was buried
in the township cemetery, meaning we had to dig his grave, and back fill it. Digging
a grave for someone you know… I don’t even know what to say.
And
this week, my Grandpa was taken to the hospital after blacking out while mowing
his grass. The doctors said that the vein in the back of his neck (which provides
blood to the brain) is blocked and surgery is too dangerous to perform. Basically
meaning there is nothing they can do for him… it’s only a matter of time. My
Grandpa isn’t a Christian, and I only have two weeks left before I move back to
school… not only may those be the last two weeks I ever get to spend with him,
but more importantly those may very well be the last two weeks I ever get to
witness to him (though God’s given me all twenty years of my life to witness to
him, and still nothings made a difference).
Among
all the emotion, I really find myself in question, asking what it is
that I’m
really striving to become. Who is it that God wants me to be? And why
does my stubbornness
require God to use such drastic events in order to get my attention? So
many
times I wish I could see what God sees when he looks at me. Its not
that I’ve
strayed away from God, but I feel like he’s pulling at me to give him
more…
pulling at me to let go… to stop holding back just truly give him my
all. Please pray for my grandpa... and please pray for me. | | |
| Porcupine
Current mood:  guilty
Generally, a term is coined for different animal species to describe a group of that specific animal. For example, a flock of sheep, a herd of cows, a school of fish, a pod of whales, a pack of wolves and then theres more unusual ones, such as a rafter of turkeys, a dray of squirrels, a murder of crows, a pride of lions, a yoke of oxen, or a knot of toads. There isnt, however, a term coined for a group of porcupines.
The common porcupine is a solitary animal. The most distinguishing characteristic of the porcupine are its quills. The rump and tail of this robust rodent are covered in over 30,000 of these quills (150 per square inch) which often reach 2.5 inches in length and are set with tiny, scale-like barbs pointing backwards. When threatened, the Porcupine places his snout between his forelegs and spins around presenting its rear to the enemy. If attacked, it drives its tail against the assailant and dozens of quills detach easily from the skin to remain embedded in the attacker. The predators body heat makes the barbs expand and they become even more deeply embedded in the animal's skin.
And now, youre asking what the point of that zoology lesson was, and the truth is Im slowly beginning to realize that Ive spent the last year of my life acting like a porcupine. I dont like getting close to people anymore; Ive built up these walls around me. Like the porcupine, when someone threatens those walls, I turn my rear to them. Ive been hurt several times in the past and, just as the quills are the most distinguishing characteristic of the porcupine, Ive let that pain define me. And, Im starving starving the people who care about me the most of the deep relationship we once shared Im even starving myself. Ive been too afraid to be myself, too afraid to take risks, and too afraid to trust, all because Im too afraid of getting hurt, again. I need to stop letting my past hold me captive. And, I need you, all of you. I need your help to tear down the walls Ive built. I need your strength, your love and your laughter.
Im sorry to those of you Ive hurt and pushed away time and time again. I never meant to hurt you. Im sorry its taken me so long to finally get to this point.
Thank you to my teammates, and to my friends who havent given up on me (though I had given up on myself). Thank you for showing me unconditional love. | | |
| I don't have much time, but I wanted to update! I am currently at a jewish kibutz in Joph, Israel. Since being here, I've attended a palestinian wedding (where I learned to dance arab style, though the girls thought I was mocking them or making fun of them when I tried to do it). I rode a camel through the desert of Jericho, climbed the mountain of Masata where Herdod The Great had two Palaces, floated in the dead sea, been detained by the Israeli soldiers in the AIr Port for two hours, played the guitar on the beach of the mediteranian sea, spent 3 nights in bethlehem, 2 in Jerusalem, worked with Palestinian Youth and peace organizations. Tomorrow I will travel to Nazareth and work my way up to the sea of galilee before going back to Jerusalem. I loev you all... I am a little homesick but I am having the time of my life! There is so much to learn, see and experiance here! | | |
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